Aladdin’s Lamp is “Back Date”

Aladdin is eternal. Though centuries may have passed since he was granted paradise, his name still finds an honorable mention among the list of wish-fulfilling spirits. Even today, people across the world take his name with reverence. If even a whisper about the location of his magical lamp were to surface, all democratic Aladdins of this nation would abandon every task and embark on a frantic quest to find it.

But even if the lamp remains hidden, it hardly matters. In the great Indian spirit of “necessity is the mother of invention,” we have consistently outdone ourselves, conjuring one marvel after another, stunning the world each time.

So extraordinary have been our inventions that, had Aladdin been born in this age, he would’ve bowed in awe before our revered 'gurughantaals' (scheming sages) and ended his life in shame. He’d have cast his lamp into the ocean in despair.

We’re speaking of a different lamp altogether — one whose soot has stained nearly every corner of the nation since the departure of the British. It is this genius of modern hacks that has paved our relentless, nonstop march on the path of “nation-building.” The only catch? Nobody knows where we’re actually headed. As Krishna told Arjuna in the Gita — "Karmanye vadhikaraste, ma phaleshu kadachana." We’ve taken this to heart, so much so that thorns litter every inch of the nation’s body. For 75 years, we’ve mastered the art of sowing these thorns. One Prime Minister even had an allergy to flowers — what was she to do?

Bureaucrats, transformed into emperors by these tricks, have given “golden bird” India a dazzling new fate. And with the blessing of white-collar elites, these dark-hearted magicians have reigned supreme. Today, we live in the age of black Englishmen, comfortably surviving in the ruins they create.

The bureaucrats of today don’t concern themselves with petty policies like sama-dama-danda-bheda. Instead, armed with mystical weapons that would put Kauravas and demons to shame, they’ve mastered the art of turning India into a bankrupt Lanka. These liberalization champions drain every bit of golden value from the nation to satisfy their personal whims, treating governance like their caged pet bird.

And “Back Date” is the crowning jewel of all such magical powers — a timeless weapon that fits seamlessly into any department. Thanks to it, generations of chair-warming elites have floated across the river of bureaucracy into bureaucratic heaven. It outshines even a hundred Aladdin’s lamps.

The Marvel of Back Date
“Jo aazmaaye, so nihaal!”

From top to bottom, Back Date caters to every possible need. And naturally, the needs of the powerful must exceed those of the common man. In every age, loyal courtiers — seasoned in offering chyawanprash and Gandhi-embossed happiness — have known exactly what each godly avatar or courtier requires and when.

Why begrudge the endless indulgences of public-spirited “sons-in-law” of the state, who seem to have been born only to gulp resources with the mouth of Surasa? After all, they specialize in this art — this is their divine purpose.

Enter Back Date, the ultimate nutrition source for these Kumbhakarans in suits and ties. If these helmsmen and their families aren't flourishing, how else would the nation showcase its prosperity?

Outshining even water hyacinths and carrot weeds, Back Date continues to glorify the age-old traditions of our welfare state. Its role in realizing the promises of “Good Governance” will be remembered for centuries.

What kind of officer hasn't tasted the wonder of Back Date? From CMs to CSs, ministers to secretaries, and down to minor officials entrenched in obscure departments — all have used it to bless their favorites. They themselves beam in its afterglow and sing its praises even today.

The grandeur of Back Date defies all bounds. A sibling of corruption, it is omnipresent — much like the divine itself. Its praise is endless, its reach eternal.

Every minister, every office, every employee — indeed, every citizen of this blessed land — knows that Back Date is our very own Aladdin’s lamp. For works not permitted by rule or law, it is a divine boon in the shadows.

Where once there was only one Aladdin and one lamp, today armies of Aladdins bloom across ministries and secretariats like wild mushrooms, eagerly waiting for someone to whisper, “Please light the Back Date lamp.”

And lo! A miracle unfolds. A blessing for both parties — “parasparopagrahopajeevanam” indeed.

This is no mere master key — Back Date is a skeleton key for infinite locks. Use it wherever, however — it will never fail you. It works best in transitional periods — think of Kumbh Melas during astrological conjunctions.

Is your boss being transferred? Just grab his wrist and plead, “Sir, please do this one last thing before you go.” You needn’t say more — we live in an exceptionally wise country.

Officers, like vultures waiting for the right moment, pray for these opportunities. Though brief, the impact is massive. What they couldn’t do in their entire term, they accomplish in the final days — turbocharged by the power of Back Date.

Yet, people still accuse this noble breed of laziness — what a shame. In those last few days, their homes and offices speed ahead at 180 km/hr, flying the flag of national development. These experts in the magic of Back Date accomplish it all, results be damned.

Every file, every appointment, every posting, every approval — all are processed with this divine tool. Simply pass orders in old dates, clear files, and reap benefits. What’s the harm?

In dispatch registers with conveniently blank columns, Back Date has quietly grown like a banyan tree, offering fresh dimensions to our bureaucratic environment.

Departments with juicy assignments like postings and approvals keep multiple registers — so go ahead, issue backdated orders without fear. Even when governments announce a deadline for transfers, our rulers only act after the cutoff — backdated, of course. When asked, they shrug — “What can we do? The date has passed.”

Oh naive citizens! You will never grasp the immense benefits of backdating official work. Much like how transitional periods in Hinduism hold divine merit, the periods of transfer, missed deadlines, and broken limits are the holy festivals of Back Date.

Just review dispatch logs from these sacred times — you’ll witness our age-old beliefs brought to life.

No matter your need — simple or impossible — Back Date is the lamp of Aladdin reborn:

"Whatever you wish, you shall receive,
Back Date will never fail to achieve."